Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
