bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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