..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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