I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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