I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
