I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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