escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
