I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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