So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
