I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
