my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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