I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
