3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I will be naked everywhere
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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