We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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