My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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