Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
