Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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