Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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