WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
