You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am mentally ready for anal.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
