So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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