Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
