Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Buhtt sex?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
