yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
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If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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