I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
