I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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