Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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