Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
