on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
