i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
