I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
