thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
