3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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