I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
