why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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