It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
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a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
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I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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