I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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