wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
