Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
