Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
