Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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