What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
