From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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