He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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