can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
