I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
