I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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