i permit you to call me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
