you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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