I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
