I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
