I accidentally burped into my bong.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
