Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
