Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
