I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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