Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
