508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
