it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I cannot find my penis.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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