If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
