I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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