you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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